Health

An illustrated guide : NPR

by Curtis Jones
written by Curtis Jones 0 comments

So you’ve done something absolutely cringey. How do you deal with the embarrassment and stop replaying the awkward moment in your mind?

Psychologist Ty Tashiro; Eric Garcia, author of We’re Not Broken: Changing The Autism Conversation; Melissa Dahl, author of Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness; and visual artist Pilvi Takala share their advice.

Upper panel: Illustrated panel with text that reads: "You may think feeling awkward is, well, awkward, but researchers say it has a purpose." Below is a black-and-white illustration of author Ty Tashiro speaking, with an arrow pointing to him: Ty Tashiro, psychologist and author of Awkward: The Science of Why We're Socially Awkward and Why That's Awesome A speech bubble emanating from Tashiro's mouth says, "As humans, we’re so reliant upon other people for our survival. So over time, we’ve evolved to have brains that are incredibly intricate at understanding social situations." Lower panel: Text reads: Being good at deciphering other people can help us think about what we “need to do to be a cooperative and helpful person” so we can fit in and be a part of the group, Tashiro says. Below the text is an illustration of a pink brain wearing glasses and reading a copy of the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
Illustrated panel that reads: Tashiro’s research points to three traits that awkward people may experience. Below, is an image emulating Leonardo DaVinci's Vitruvian man with text that says: “Leonardo’s Lesser Known: Awkward Man” Three arrows point to the black-and-white illustrated version of Navied, the illustrator of the comic, who is standing in for the Vitruvian man with four legs and four arms, wearing pink shorts. They read: 1. Trouble communicating 2. Trouble executing and navigating social skills 3. Obsessive interests Text below the illustration reads: There are overlapping struggles between neurodivergent and neurotypical people, Tashiro notes. But the pain of embarrassment and awkwardness can be bigger and more persistent if you struggle to interpret the norms that others seem to grasp intuitively.
Upper panel: Text reads: Thankfully, there are things everyone can do to manage awkward moments. And even embrace them. First, keep in mind that no one notices or cares about your mistakes nearly as much as you do. It’s a psychological phenomenon called “the spotlight effect.” Below is an illustration depicting author Melissa Dahl speaking. Arrow points to her, “Melissa Dahl, author of Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness” A speech bubble coming from her mouth reads: "We assume more people are paying attention to our faults and our embarrassing missteps than they are." Lower panel: Text reads: No one remembers that one time when you called your teacher “Mommy.” Well, probably no one. So give yourself a break. Below is a movie poster depicting a young version of Navied, the illustrator of the comic, holding his knees and crying. The poster reads: "Night of the Living Cringe" Next to the poster are snippets from reviews that read: “Wasn’t actually that bad.” “Forgettable!” “Didn’t see it.”
Text at the top of the illustrated panel reads: If your brain can’t stop replaying a cringeworthy moment, try focusing on other details, Dahl says. What did the room look like? What else happened that weekend? It may lessen the strength of the emotion tied to that memory. A black-and-white illustration shows adult Navied standing at the side of the frame with a spotlight. He moves it to someone else who is wearing pink shorts. Navied says, "That was during Gary’s salmon shorts phase," in a speech bubble.
Text at the top of the panel reads: You can also defuse awkward moments with acknowledgment and levity. Below is an image of a speech bubble on a pink background. The text inside reads “If you can pick up from your hiccups, people have grace for that. Play a bum note in a song and just keep pressing through.” - Eric Garcia, author of We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation Below that is a black and white illustration of adult Navied, the illustrator of the comic, on stage playing guitar in front of a microphone with a pink shadow behind him. In a speech bubble, he says: "Is this thing on? Haha, anyway, this next song is an epic ballad about the time I called my teacher 'Mommy.'"
Text at the top of the panel reads: Next, challenge the source of your social discomfort, says Pilvi Takala, a performance artist who explores awkwardness in her work. So much of what makes us cringe comes from random rules of etiquette. Like, is it really so bad you answered someone’s polite “How are you?” with “Terrible! You?” Below an illustrated flow chart that reads: "Did you cause any harm" with arrow options "yes" and "no." If "yes," the arrow points to "Make amends." If "no," the arrow points to "Move on." Both "Make amends" and "Move on" point to the same text box that reads "Learn." Text below the flow chart reads: If you can stand to sit in your own awkwardness for a while, Takala says it can help you act with more intention. “If I don't want to be uncomfortable, then I don't learn so much about the world.”
Text at the top of the panel reads: Don’t let the fear of embarrassment stop you from doing something important, says Takala, especially on matters of health and safety. Below, a black-and-white illustration shows Navied, the illustrator of this comic, sitting on an exam table at the doctor's office wearing a T shirt and polka dot boxers and sweating. There is a spotlight on the patient and a microphone in front of them. microphone and spotlight on the patient. A doctor walks into the room in a white coat with a clipboard and says, "Please describe the reason for your visit but louder and into the microphone."
Text at the top of the panel reads: Lastly, give yourself a pat on the back for overcoming your awkward moment. An illustration shows author Melissa Dahl standing at the bottom of a comically large sign, pointing to text that reads “You are here” with a star next to it. In the farthest corner of the sign, at the end of a winding and very wiggly line, is a star next to text that reads “That embarrassing thing you did," showing how far the person has come. Next to Melissa is a speech bubble that reads: "Thank God I'm cringing over my past self because that suggests some personal growth. It's a reminder of how far I've come."
Text at the top of the panel reads: And remember: everybody’s awkward. An illustration shows a car driving down the road, passing a large sign that says: "Now entering Cringe Town, Pop. You." A smaller sign to the right of the large billboard reads: “And literally everyone you know.”

Navied Mahdavian is a New Yorker cartoonist and the author of the graphic memoir This Country: Searching for Home in (Very) Rural America.

This comic was edited by Malaka Gharib and Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit.

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